Anxiety Management

Everyone knows that the fates can turn life around in an instant. We all tolerate this chaos factor, but we try to influence our chances with antioxidants, seat belts, and regular work outs. Then, there are times when we recognize that we have almost no chance of control and have to put ourselves into the hands of others, obeying instructions while still looking out for data to help them do us the most good. This is where we are now: trying to master whatever aspects of Chris's symptoms that can help him or inform his docs while following orders.  It's the usual uncertainty, but the stakes feel higher and more immediate, so our vigilance is high.  For those who know me well, you know that my default mode is anxious. These days, I am doing every psychological trick I know to quell fear.

Still, many days feel like racing a marathon atop a big ball.

Chris has huge advantages that I think many similarly sick people don't have.   Foremost is his fundamental stick-to-it temperament. He does not complain. He puts his head down and endures what must be endured.  He also has a great oncologist, known to be expert, caring, and a bit on the conservative side, but willing to take on the challenges of this clinical trial.

And then there are our friends. They make all the difference. We have few relatives and very few are local, but our friends are filling the gaps.  One friend is a hematologist/oncologist willing to walk us through aspects of this disease/treatment that we might not feel comfortable asking of the main Onco. Others have survived cancer and have depths of experience, wisdom, and compassion no one else can have. Families we have known since our kids were small have made room in their lives to take Alex while we travel for treatment. People have left soup, cookies, and whole meals on our doorstep. Often, we are graced with sincere offers of help that we are saving up for the future if things get very hard.

Some day, I will try to paint this.  I see gossamer fabrics set free into the wind against a backdrop of stolid landscape.  Can't paint either of these yet.